it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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