oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
