Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
