Im at strip club and am horny
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
