Buhtt sex?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
