Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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