hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
