Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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