If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
