Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
