I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
