so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
