this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
