halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
