I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
