Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
