Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
