your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
