Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
