this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
