he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
