My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
