yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
