she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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