Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
