I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
