He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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