Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
