I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Use "feeling words"
Yay
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
