Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
