They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
FUCK WHALES
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
