Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
