remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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