I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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