can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
