but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
