even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Houston, we have a blender
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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