So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
