dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
