if you like me you must not know who I am
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
