Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
