Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
