FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
