I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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