It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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