I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
