did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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