I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I did not marry a roomba.
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