When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
