just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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