okay pat passed out under dana's car
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
