NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
