He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
