I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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