U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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