he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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