Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
