Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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