let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
